HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE

Nothing ruins a perfect day faster than someone oozing negativity. That’s why one of the things I have been careful with is my choice of who to bring into my life. I try my best to be surrounded by people who exude positive energy, people who inspire me to be my best self.

You benefit from surrounding yourself with positive people; you also suffer from the effects of having negative and toxic people around you.

Dealing with toxic people could be difficult because they could be loved ones who are unaware of the negative effects they have on those around them. They think that everyone else is the problem, except that they are. And because you care for them, you hesitate to let them know just how toxic they can be.

In your attempt to protect their feelings, however, you have to be careful so that you don’t condone their negativity. You need to be honest with them and yourself so that they can become better people and your mental health wouldn’t suffer from their negativity.

Here are some of the ways to deal with toxic people;

IDENTIFY THEM; BE VIGILANT ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN A PERSON IS TOXIC TOWARDS YOU

Just as the saying goes, “you can only solve a problem after you have identified the problem”. Therefore, you have to be vigilant enough to know when a person is toxic so as to save yourself from being swallowed by it.

A toxic person is someone who is often difficult and causes a lot of conflict in your life. These people can create lots of stress and unpleasantness for you and others. You begin to lose yourself and this, in turn, affects your mental health.

Here are a few ways to identify a toxic person;

• The Conversational Narcissist – They never allow you to speak or defend yourself. You listen to them tell you all about their bad day or feedback but they cut you short or end the conversation when you want to speak. They are never attentive of your moods.
• The Emotional Moocher – In conversations and relationships, they can never see the positive, and are prone to bringing everyone down with them. They are extreme pessimists, and always have something sad or negative to say. They would never help you be better or impact positive change in you.
• The Drama Magnet – They never take your advice, all they want is your empathy, sympathy, and support. No matter how much help You offer them, they never seem to want a solution to their problems. Instead, they complain about everything and drain you. These ones are overly histrionic and some go as far as threatening to take their life if they don’t get it.

These are a few of the types of toxic people around us. When you realise a person is toxic, it is safe to take necessary actions to protect yourself, your self-confidence, and your mental health.

CONFRONT THEM, DON’T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEIR ACTIONS

I firmly believe toxic relationships are not worth putting up with, and spotting this behaviour is the first step to minimising the impact. You may not be able to change what people do, but you can change what you do with them. That’s why you need to understand that there is a thin line between understanding and making excuses.

Don’t downplay a toxic person’s wrongdoings; tell them and let them know how harmful their behaviour is. Tiptoeing around their hurtful habits or making consistent pardons for their actions would only make their attitude linger and change nothing. Don’t overlook that you may risk getting hurt in the process. Even if they don’t like it, tell them the truth and let them know their mistakes

DON’T TAKE THEIR ACTIONS PERSONAL

The guilt button works on a lot of people, and this is a well-played card by toxic people who always see themselves as victims. They make you feel like you did something wrong, although you know you didn’t. This guilt card can damage your self-confidence and make you feel guilty. Don’t let this happen to you.

It’s them, not you. So don’t take things personal when they display their signature toxicity. There’s a great deal of freedom you get if you don’t take things to heart, especially the negative ones. Even while situations appear personal, know that their dismissiveness, their constant self-victimization, and all the likes have nothing to do with you.

CUT THEM OFF OR LIMIT THE TIME YOU SPEND WITH THEM

When I am finding it difficult to turn certain toxic people down completely, I limit the time I spend with them; that way, the relationship wanes gradually.

If you decide to say no, by all means, don’t back down. This may prove challenging when there is a dramatic outburst by the other party. So, if you can’t cut off negative-minded people cold-turkey, cut them off by scaling back the amount of time you spend with them. 

And if a loved one has told you that you display toxic tendencies, don’t be quick to dismiss them as haters. Listen to the feedback, carry out an honest self-assessment to see if there is any truth to that statement. If there is, take steps to detoxify so you can be the friend that uplifts instead of drains.

What are some of your experiences with toxic people? How have you managed such relationships in the past?