Why Do We Overthink? 6 Ways To Help You Stop Overthinking

I recently bumped into a good friend of mine at an event . We started chatting and catching up on everything, laughing and having a good time.  But by the next day, I found myself thinking about some of the things I said.  As I replayed our conversation in my head, I started fixating on something I said that might’ve come across the wrong way. “What if he misunderstood me?” I thought. For the next two days, I debated whether or not to send him a message explaining what I meant, and after much deliberation, I caved in and sent the message.

The first response I received from him was, “Overthinker.” And then he added, “I didn’t spend an extra second thinking about it. You need to remind me like three times for it to stick.”

He went on to say that most women tend to overthink, while men often have throwaway sentences and quickly move on. His words made me pause and ask myself some questions: Why did I spend so much time analysing that moment? Why did I bother sending the message? And more importantly, why do we overthink?

Why Do We Overthink?

I am not the typical overthinker, but I find myself overthinking every now and then. However, I have met a couple of overthinkers in my lifetime, and to say I am shocked at what goes on in the minds of some people is an understatement.

Overthinking often stems from our desire to control outcomes and avoid mistakes. We replay conversations, analyse situations, and imagine different scenarios because we want to prevent regret or misunderstanding. For some, overthinking is rooted in anxiety, perfectionism, or a fear of judgment. We want to be seen in a particular way or get things right, but in the process, we end up stuck in a cycle of excessive thinking that does more harm than good.

Another reason we overthink is that our brains are wired to seek patterns and make sense of everything. For instance, when something feels unresolved, like a comment that might’ve been misunderstood, our minds keep processing it, hoping to find clarity or closure. Unfortunately, this often leads to overthinking rather than solutions. Some things are not that deep. God help us!

Symptoms of Overthinking

Overthinking can manifest in different ways, but some common symptoms include:

• Constantly replaying past conversations or situations: You analyse what you said and wonder how others perceived it. My experience is a great example. Just tell me why I sent that message.
• Second-guessing your decisions: You hesitate to take action because you fear making the wrong choice. What if you had just taken that step, spoken up when you had a chance, or not given up?  How many things would you have achieved by now? 
• Imagining worst-case scenarios: Your mind jumps to negative outcomes that are unlikely to happen. For example, thinking, “What if they reject me?” when you haven’t even tried. Sometimes, you have premeditated thoughts of scenarios that do not exist and would never exist.
• Anxiety and Depression: You find that you are always anxious, which leads to you feeling down, gloomy, and mentally exhausted because your thoughts are endlessly racing. 
• Always wanting everything to be perfect and when it doesn’t go the way you planned it, you go into overthinking mode which sometimes leaves you less confident and less productive. 

How to Stop Overthinking

1. Recognise When You’re Overthinking
   The first step is awareness. Notice when your thoughts start spiralling and acknowledge that you’re overthinking. Simply recognising this can help you take control of your thoughts.
2. Challenge Your Thoughts
   Ask yourself: Is this thought helpful? Is there evidence that supports this worry? Our fears are often based on assumptions rather than facts. Challenging these thoughts can break the cycle of overthinking.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
   You can’t control how others perceive you, but you can control how you respond. Instead of dwelling on what might have gone wrong, shift your focus to what you can do moving forward.
4. Practice Mindfulness
   Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and simple exercises help you stay present and reduce anxiety. When you’re fully engaged in the moment, it’s harder to get lost in overthinking. This has personally helped me.
5. Take Action
   Sometimes, overthinking happens because we’re stuck in indecision. If possible, take action to resolve the situation. If not, remind yourself that it’s okay to let go.
6. Talk to Someone
   Sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend can help you gain perspective. Saying your worries out loud makes them feel less overwhelming.

Do Women Really Overthink More Than Men?

I decided to do a little research on this because my friend mentioned that most women overthink, and according to some statistics, women are more likely to overthink than men, partly due to differences in how emotions and thoughts are processed. Research shows that women often ruminate more, replaying situations in their minds and analysing what went wrong.  Could my friend be right?

I believe that overthinking isn’t more common in one gender than the other, it depends on the individual. Personality, life experiences, and stress levels all play a role. While some women may overthink more, many men also experience the same cycle of overanalysing. However, this is my personal opinion, so listen to the experts.

Overthinking is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By recognising when you’re overthinking, challenging unhelpful thoughts, and practising mindfulness, you can break free from the cycle of excessive thinking. Remember, most people aren’t analysing your words or actions as much as you think, they’re too busy thinking about their own lives. So take a deep breath, let go of the worry, and give yourself permission to move forward.