Single Motherhood and Thriving-with Besidonne Moore

Motherhood is a journey filled with both joy and challenges. For single moms, the path can sometimes feel even more demanding. In today’s feature, I chat with an inspiring woman who has walked that road with grace and strength. She shares candidly about her unexpected journey into motherhood, the challenges she faced, how she found balance, and the mindset shifts that helped her thrive.

Can you take us back to when you first found out you were going to be a mom? What were your initial thoughts and emotions?

Thank you. I feel humbled and honoured that you find my story inspiring. When I first found out I was going to be a mom, I think that was the summer of 2004; my initial reaction was shock because it wasn’t a planned pregnancy. I felt a mix of uncertainty and vulnerability because it wasn’t something I expected to happen.

Did you face any societal judgment or personal fears, and how did you navigate them?

I wouldn’t say I faced direct judgment per se, but of course, at the time I found out I was pregnant, I was 27 and had him at 28. Since I wasn’t married, I did feel the weight of society’s expectations. We come from a country that’s quite conservative, and there’s always this idea of the ‘right’ way to do things, i.e. get married and then have a child. So yes, I felt that society might judge me for having a child out of wedlock. But I can’t say I experienced any outright judgment from individuals. My personality really helped me navigate that. I’m naturally a happy-go-lucky person, and I had great support from family and friends. My parents were very supportive, even though I know deep down they would have preferred me to have my son within marriage. They never judged me, not once.

What helped you see single motherhood as a blessing rather than a stigma or challenge?

To be honest, I wouldn’t say I saw single motherhood in itself as a blessing, but having my child was a blessing. That’s where my focus was — embracing motherhood and finding joy in the little everyday moments. I mean, it came with challenges, but it’s a great honour to be a mother, to raise and nurture a child.

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced raising your son alone?

One of the biggest challenges was managing time. As a single parent and the primary caregiver, I had to make sure I was financially stable and present for him at the same time. Pursuing a career while figuring out childcare was tough. I remember the first time I took him to a childminder, it was so emotional leaving him with a stranger after being together for 10 months.

He didn’t last there for a week because every time I picked him up, he seemed exhausted and not his usual happy self. I just didn’t feel he was being properly cared for. Luckily, a friend of mine who was pregnant at the time stepped in to help until I found a better arrangement. I will forever be grateful to her. As he grew older, things got easier.

How did you balance being a provider and a nurturer and finding time for yourself?

I really tried to prioritise my own well-being because I knew I had to be okay mentally, emotionally, and physically to show up fully for my child. I leaned on my support system a lot, especially when things felt overwhelming. For instance, when he started primary school, I was working full-time and the school didn’t offer after-school care. I had to arrange things like leaving work early twice a week and relying on the school mom community.

One or two moms really helped out with pickups. That sense of community made a huge difference. I also made sure to carve out time to do things I enjoyed or hang out with friends. Honestly, having a strong support system is what made it all manageable.

You exposed him to a great life — travelling, attending private school, and ensuring he had a solid foundation. How did you make that work financially and emotionally as a mother and primary carer?

Thank you. I feel humbled that you think that. Sometimes we parents are hard on ourselves, wondering if we’re doing enough. I always wanted him to have a well-rounded, rich life because I was conscious of the fact that he was being raised by me alone. He had a relationship with his father, but I was the primary parent. So I made it a point to give him all the love and security he deserved so he wouldn’t feel any void. I had honest conversations with him about how sometimes life doesn’t always go as planned, but home is where we are, me and him, and that’s perfect.

Financially, I budgeted and planned ahead for his education and other needs. I’m grateful that it all worked out. We travelled together too, because I wanted him to have good exposure. I just really wanted him to have a wholesome life, and seeing him now, I know it paid off.

Many single mothers struggle with guilt or feeling like they’re not doing enough. Did you ever feel that way, and how did you deal with it?

Absolutely. And not just single moms, I think most parents feel that way at some point. I struggled with guilt, wishing I could give him more, or wondering if I was falling short as a mother. There were times I wished I could give him the kind of upbringing I had, with both parents at home. But I learned to focus on making the moments we had together meaningful. Talking to other moms going through similar situations helped me realise I wasn’t alone. We can be really hard on ourselves, but most people are going through the same struggles. I learnt to be kinder to myself and remind myself that I was doing my best.

Did you ever feel pressure to “prove yourself” as a single mother?

Yes, sometimes I did. I used to tell my son that if he misbehaves, people will blame it on the fact that he’s being raised by a single mom. That stigma exists everywhere, even today. But it was important for me to raise him to be a wholesome, respectful member of society, and I believe I’ve succeeded in doing that.

Looking back, what would you say you could have done differently while navigating single motherhood?

I think I could have asked for help more often. I did get help, but there were times I held back and missed out on opportunities because I didn’t ask. Also, wish I had sought out communities specifically for single moms, where we could support and encourage each other. That’s something I would definitely do differently.

If someone Reading is struggling with the challenges of single motherhood, what would you say to encourage them?

For anyone struggling with single motherhood, my main advice is to embrace your journey, be kind to yourself, and remember that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. Don’t suffer in silence. Prioritise self-care and your well-being, because if you’re not okay emotionally, it will affect your child. Be gentle with yourself, celebrate your wins no matter how small, and pat yourself on the back. Challenges will come, but see them as opportunities for growth.

Now that your son is 19 plus, how do you feel?

Yes! He’s going to be twenty next month and graduating from university next year. I still can’t believe it. He’s a whole adult now and very independent. I feel a sense of freedom and fulfillment. Reflecting on this journey brings back so many memories, and I find myself asking, “Wow, how did I do that?” The days of waking up early for school runs, feeling like I was on autopilot, it all seems like a blur now. So yes, I feel freedom, fulfillment, and gratitude.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Keep being the great mom that you are.