5 TIPS FOR MAINTAINING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

‘Relationships end too soon because people stop putting in the same effort to keep you as they did to win you’. – Unknown

I was at a restaurant for a friend’s bridal shower six years ago, when a middle-aged woman walked to our table to say hello to one of the ladies who was with us. They exchanged pleasantries. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “My friend is getting married” the lady responded. “Oh lovely,” she said. Then she turned to the bride and said, ” marriage is beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Ive been in it for 23 years, and I have no regrets. If you and your partner work together on it, you will have the best.”

Her words stuck–a relief from the usual negative remarks made about marriage. But what I really got out of it was that maintaining a good and healthy relationship is a lifetime commitment that requires selfless decisions and actions.

Many relationships turn sour because people fail to do what it takes to make it work. Yes! there may be no one-size-fits-all relationships, but I’ve put together a few things that generally help in maintaining a good relationship.

Good and Quality Communication

The question to ask yourself isn’t how often you communicate but how well you do. Communication is the foundation of every relationship, so pay attention to how you communicate and work through problems. You have to understand that people cannot read your mind, they can guess what’s wrong with you, but sometimes they could be wrong. If you are upset about an issue, communicate and let them know how you feel. Take out time to understand what your partner is communicating to you so that you will know how to deal with situations better.

Trust

You can’t enjoy your relationship when trust is missing; trust is a large chunk of it. It is more than believing your partner won’t cheat on you. It’s a feeling you demonstrate in your words and your actions. 

You don’t have to constantly monitor your partner’s movement or go through their phones or personal items without permission. To be honest, it is too much work for me. Trust them enough to have your best interest at heart, and if you feel something is up, or that they are hiding something, talk to them about it.

Respect

Respect in a relationship comes with understanding your partner for who they are and treating each other right. It’s not based on their actions but their personalities. Respect will cause you to appreciate your differences and support each other. When you respect your partner, you will listen to them, speak kindly to them, respect their feelings, respect boundaries, and give them some space when needed. 

The space bit I learnt after I got married to my husband. I used to think it was something I did but later realised he just needed space and time to think through the many things on his mind; How to make more money I guess. lol!!

Compromise

The ability to be flexible is a key to a happy relationship. Sometimes you need to compromise, let go of some needs, and put your partner first. Take into consideration your partner’s feelings and what they love. 

Reliability

It is so important to be committed, consistent, and to always follow through with what you say you will do.

Imagine a partner constantly cancelling plans? Trusting such a person to make plans and follow through will be difficult. Of course, emergencies can arise. In such cases, you should apologise and reschedule on time. When it becomes a habit, you become unreliable. If you are not sure of your availability for a night out, a vacation, a dinner date, a party, or any plans at all, don’t commit. 

A Few More Tips for Maintaining a Good Relationship

I know I said five tips at the beginning of this post, but had to add five more tips to spice up your relationship. lol!

Date your Partner: Remember how it was before you got married? when you went to dinner, and romantic dates? Just because you are married now doesn’t mean you should be caught in a triangle of work-home-church.

It’s easy to get bored when your relationship revolves around a routine. So, why not schedule a day weekly or monthly with your spouse to do something different. You can decide to dine out, see a movie, go shopping, etc. Planning a yearly vacation is also a great one to consider.

Always Share your ‘Good and Bad’ Moments – ‘For better or worse.’ Practice those vows you made then. Talk about your highs and lows daily. Share the terrible experience you had at work, the frustration you encountered on the road, the funny scenes you witnessed on your way home, etc. You can decide to make it a tradition to discuss how your day went before you sleep or even during dinner. Your kids can join in the conversation too. That way, you build a healthy family bond.

Show Physical Affection:  As much as possible flirt with your partner. Give them a peck on the lips, hug them from behind, or hold hands in public. These little gestures are sometimes what you need to keep the spark from fizzling out.

Surprise your spouse Often: You don’t have to get them cakes or a card only on their birthdays only. You can send them one while they are at the office. If your spouse loves chocolate cake, pick it up at the bakery on your way home. Do something out of the blues, it could be spontaneous, like a simple handwritten note or text message. Don’t make buying gifts an annual event.

Reaffirm your Love For your Partner: What happened to the three-letter words you often said then; I LOVE YOU? Verbal affection goes a long way in maintaining your relationship. Tell your partner what you love about him/her – looks, physique, character, etc. Dole out compliments like a wad of cash; remind them of how amazing they are. Say it loud and say it proudly.

If some of these things worked at the beginning of your relationship, it could be what you need to keep your relationship going for a longer time. The bottom line is that a good relationship is worth nurturing and maintaining because it adds value to you. It helps you grow and develop yourself. Once you start feeling trapped or losing self-esteem, that is a red flag!

I hope you found these tips helpful. You can also share your thoughts in the comment section and add a piece of advice to the list.